A perpetual optimist griping 'bout a pessimistic society...

Monday, August 28, 2006

The Sink, The Tap and The Watertank

Dear Diary,

Our toilet sink has oil splatter on it. The cold water tap is spitting them out and doing a good job of staining it. The hot water tap is not working. There's no water coming out from it. We have to give a hard knock to get it going. Then it will flow and spit out more oil....adding to the nice artwork done by the other tap.

The kitchen tap won't stop dripping. Our landlord had already fixed it...now it's dripping more than ever. Every night we can hear the drip drip drip sound... sometimes it falls into pace with the ticking of the clock in the kitchen.

It was joined by another dripping sound that came from the outside of our unit. The water pipe drain has decided to join in the symphony. It's our watertank on the roof. We suspect there is a leak but we have no way of finding out unless we get a plumber to take a look at it. The watertank is located in the attic... it's dark and full of cobwebs.

So all in all, our house is very well irrigated and there's never a quiet moment. We have art in the sink and symphony in the kitchen. Life is great!

10:00am
28/08/06 (Monday)
Winter - Sunny and Windy

Bad Haircut

I went to a hair salon last Friday. Got the worst haircut in my entire life. It was sheared so short and so tasteless that no other stylist in the world could salvaged it. I look worse than Woody Woodpecker now. At least he had a cute cartoony personality to cover it up. Me, I just look like a retarded moron. And I have to live with this til it grows out... in a months time. So freaking depress...

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Did you know...

Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children-last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it-hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof-hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway-hence, a "thresh hold."

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread which was so old and hard that they could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mould got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, mouldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "uppercrust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up-hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When re-opening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

And that's the truth...

The Policy

This is something that I came across and blatantly extracted:

In the beginning was the Plan,

and then came the assumptions,

and the assumptions were without form,

and the plan was completely without substance;

and the darkness was upon the face of the employees, and they spoke amongst themselves, saying: "It is a crock of shit and it stinks!"

and the employees went unto their supervisors, saying, "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."

and the supervisors went unto their managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

and the manager's went unto their division managers, saying, "It is a vassal of fertilizer and none may abide it's strength."

and the division manager's went unto their region managers, saying,

"It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong."

and the region managers went unto the general manager, saying,

"It promotes growth and it is very powerful."

and the general manager went unto the board, saying, "This plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this organization!"

and the board looked upon the plan and thought it was good, and the plan became POLICY!

where upon, this is how shit happens.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Dear Diary II

Dear Diary,

Ever did something stupid and wished you could turn back the clock or pause the event so that you could undo the whole thing? I had another misadventure with my washing machine. This time it was purely my fault. Stupid stupid stupid...

Last Sunday I decided to do my laundry. There were 2 big basket loads of laundry...about 2 weeks worth. I knew it would take me hours to do them so I decided to "speed" up the process. My clever little mind decided to divide the laundries into 4 batches instead of 6....yes, there were a lot of laundry. My washing machine which incidentally is a front loader, could take up to 7 kg of washing...so I thought why not.

Big mistake.

Before I knew it, water, soap and foams were spewing out from every nooks and crannies of the washing machine. It flooded the bathroom and there was no way I could undo the process. (Note: Front loaders are no good) Because it's a front loader, I could not just simply turn it off or take out my laundry when it is in the middle of it's cycle. So I have to bear with the splashing and flooding until it ends. By then you could imagine the state of my bathroom.

So I ended up spending most of my morning moping and cleaning up the bathroom. Hopefully my washing machine is not damage. Stupid stupid stupid...

8:40am
01/08/06 (Tuesday)
Winter - Fair and Windy